News of the World.

1. Scientists have found that a chemical in pork products and eggs can help the growing brain to develop. A new study suggests that the micronutrient, called choline, is critical to helping babies in the womb develop parts of their brains linked to memory and recall.

Valid only for mice so far, but watch this space.

2. Alfie Buckle could have died, three months before he was due to be born, after complications with the placenta. His parents Emma, 28, and Gregg, 36, were completely unaware of the problem with their first-born - having been told he was completely healthy at a 20-week scan. However, doctors spotted the problem just in time after Mrs Buckle was mistakenly called in for another scan, just six weeks later.

This is the sort of fuck-up we'd like to see more of.

3. A milkshake that promises to boost the memory of Alzheimer's patients could be available within two years. Tests have proved that, taken once a day with breakfast, the strawberry flavoured drink can significantly improve memory for those in the early stages of the disease.

My milkshake brings all the brains to the yard?

4. Men who have sex at least twice a week can almost halve their risk of heart disease, according to new research. It shows men who indulge in regular lovemaking are up to 45 per cent less likely to develop life-threatening heart conditions than men who have sex once a month or less.

"Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we may die" - the probability of the latter depending on exactly how we chose to be merry. And if we ate bacon and eggs and drank the dementia milkshake, we should all live to cross intellectual swords with our hordes of supergenius great-grandchildren!